Corporations need regular PAP smears to combat their prolific cancer rates

I propose that all corporations begin regular PAP smear screenings. Now as comical picturing all of the board room on tables with their legs up in stirrups sounds, that’s not the kind of test I’m talking about.

My test is a very simple question. Is the corporation putting Profits Above People? If the answer is yes, then they are riddled with the cancer and only extreme measures will cure them.

Now when I say “People”, I mean their workers and the communities where the corporations operate in and NOT the stockholders (fuck those people). Before the 80’s and the likes of Friedman and Welch, the best corporations cared about their workers and the communities they resided, it wasn’t just lip service or pizza days. Also, CEO pay was reasonable and not obscene. Companies, communities, and the middle class thrived and built one of the greatest economies ever.

Along came Friedman and his bullshit idea that the only responsibility of the corporation was to its shareholders, issuing in a new gilded age of wealth inequality, short term thinking, and stock holder greed. Sure the stock market grew and profits became utterly obscene, but at what cost? The cost of a decent life for the vast majority of Americans.

I’m not going to continue with a history lesson because all you are living it now and can see for yourself what’s happening.

So instead, let’s talk about some of my potential solutions for corporations:

1) Regular corporate governance audits to determine if the business is putting People Above Profits. No more closing of business because they don’t make enough profit.

2)Make corporate stock buybacks illegal once again, because it is a form of stock price manipulation.

3) Replace CEOs with AI and/or axe their compensation down to reasonable levels. No CEO should make more than 100 times the lowest paid employee.

4) Return the power to labor! I think all corporations above 50 employees should have employee ownership rate of 55%, leaving 45% for the stock market. Amazon, Walmart, all of them. Remember, the stock market was never meant to be a “guaranteed investment”, it’s a risk. This is also a great incentive for workers to do a great job, because they have a stake in the business.

5) All corporate boards will have employee voting representation at 55% minimum, to go inline with employee ownership.

It’s time to fight the corporate cancer caused by greed that has all but destroyed the middle class in this country.